EOP

‎..you know youre a filipino growing up in another country when your classmates laugh at the lunch your Mama packed you!

 

…

Long road ahead.. someone please slip me a pill or two..

 

Reality Fad

Who gets those reality shows lately? They all seem to get weirder and weirder!

 

..turning 30

They say that 30 is just a number, but why do I feel that time is ticking for me?
I’m turning 30 in a couple of months and it got me thinking back through my life, wondering. Wondering what I learned over those 29 years.
I’m aging but not maturing.
At 30, I feel that I should be wiser than yesterday; but i feel that I’m still that knucklehead kid running up the block, into NC-10 for another basketball game, screwing around the block looking for something to do. My mind says I haven’t aged a bit, but my body and everything else around me is saying otherwise.
I’m living my life in complete content right now, pretty stable and moving career, perfect girl and a roof to sleep in. I could never ask for anything different.
But obviously, I know that there’s something missing – maturity.
Every now and then some good heart will open doors for me to walk in, but I still feel I struggled throughout those 29 years. I should have enough wisdom packed, enough to go to war. The battle that starts at 30.
I feel that I should be a different person by now.
But I’m still that knucklehead kid from the gutter.

 

waiting.. anticipating..

There comes that time of the year where we all have to reflect on the things we did the whole year. Time to reflect, time to repent.
This happens each year and unannounced, most people stay on their toes the whole year, calculating, anticipating and hoping that this does not come anytime soon or it will mean a great deal of change in their lives, their outlook and possibly, their stability.
Dreadful thing it is when you’re waiting, hanging and unsure.
It’s like waiting for Santa Claus during christmas eve when you were four years old.
You’re lying there in your bed, peeking under the sheets, door left ajar and through that gap you can see the lights from the tree twinkle and shine on the wall of the living room.. Waiting.. Anticipating..
Oh that pressuring feeling you get as your insides turn, twist and bang into your pancreas.
You hate this feeling that you get once a year.
You wish to sleep through this and wake up when its over.
The stress.
All the waiting.
Paranoia.
Annual Drug Test.
But not me, I’m clean.

 

Rhinestone Cowboy

His rhinestones lost their color, and he’s got an attitude,
He’s been through a lot, never meant to be rude.
This cowboy still roams from east to west.
Still carrying that bullet lodged up in his chest.
Singing that song, that he has written long ago.
Swaying his way singing; not knowing where to go.
The fire in his eyes, have died out from the pain.
The music that he was singin, is no longer keeping him sane.
Memories of everything that was never meant to be.
He trembles along life, looking for that key.
So if you see this cowboy please don’t think he’s rude
His rhinestones lost their color and he’s got an attitude

 

Justification for my laziness

There’s so much to do with too little time.
I wish I could just put the whole world on standby mode and just
chill my days away.
How many of you have spent countless hours sending signals from your brain through your nerves into the rest of your body convincing yourself to get a job done but ending up contemplating the day away?
I have.
All the time.
I realize now that it takes more effort to be lazy than to be productive.
Being productive only entitles a part of your head knowing what to do and
your body working to get the job done.
Being lazy needs thinkin through and a huge amount of imagination.
Of course, you have to keep in mind that you will need an excuse for not doing what you are supposed to.
An alibi.
An alibi that would seem realistic, realistic enough that you yourself would have to believe that little lie that you just made up.
Then you would go into a state of mind where you would reenact something that has not happened yet and imagine what it would be like delivering that alibi.
Were there doubts?
Need a good rebuttal?
And it just goes on..
So when I’m not doing what I am supposed to, I’m not being lazy.
I’m just doing something else.

 

One’s worst critic

  It’s kinda hard when you’re your own worst critic.
You think you can but there’s something lodged at the back of your head convincing you otherwise.
Sometimes I feel its best to seem as if you dont care at all so noone expects anything from you. So maybe, just maybe, you can also convince yourself to expect nothing from yourself.
  For 29 years I feel I’ve done a lot of growing up. I feel I’ve done my best to proofread my life, dotted the T’ and crossed my I’s – but why do I still feel so goddamn incomplete? Maybe its just one of those days where my head begins to get the best of me. Or maybe its my lack of action that’s putting me in this emotional/psychological condition. I’m turning out to be an action junkie. I haven’t hit the bags nor got in a ring for about 4 months now. Thanks to all this work load that I’ve been getting the past couple of months. Not to mention the food that I’ve been eating lately, all the smoking, all the drinking. Dammit, I weight 225lbs now.
  Need to get back to 205. OR my ass will be whipped if I get back to the gym weighing like this.
  Anyways, maybe that is what’s been bothering me lately. The lack of testosterone secretion.
  Or maybe I’m just going crazy!

 

“get beat or get better”

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh, my aching back!!!

 

lookin back

I’m looking back through all my posts here in this blog and one question came up in mind, immediately -

What the fuck was I doing??????