Mind In Solitude

There are some things I don’t understand about the Filipino Culture.

There are some traits that sets us apart from any other culture in the world.

The food we eat, the things we do, and even the way we look at things are all

influenced by the way we were brought up as legit Filipinos.

Sometimes we Filipinos are just too damn modest about everything.

And I mean EVERYTHING.

You go into a living room and watch TV at one of your friends house and

Their maid walks through between you and the TV set, back bent down, palms

together and arms stretched out towards them.

What is that? A fuckin’ rudder?

That shit just covers up more stuff that you gotta see!

We all have a Tito Boy, or a Tito Jun.. Somewhere along the family line, there will always be this guy unfortunate enough to be called that name.. And off the records, most of the Tito Boys and Tito Juns I know, all have curly hair and a mustache.. I dunno, it just might be coincidental.

Another Filipino trait is picture taking.

You get together with other Filipinos in an unfamiliar place and the first thing they would think of is picture taking.

Like you’re in fuckin’ Disneyland!

On the other hand, though we all come from a third world country, we surely have the most talent out of all the races in the world. We are the most flexible, adaptable, and the most outgoing race in the world.

Nobody’s with me I am lonely
Im losing my mind
Look down the barrel of my nine
And my vision’s blurry
Fallin to pieces, am i guilty?
I pray to the Lord
But he ignores me unfortunately cause im guilty
Show me a miracle, Im hopeless
Im chokin off marijuana smoke
with every toke its like Im losing focus.
Falling to sleep while Im at service,
When will I die?
Forever paranoid and nervous because Im high
Nowhere to run, Im in terror
And noone cares
A closed casket at my funeral
And noones there
They wonder if Im hellbound
Well hell cant be worse than this
Cause Im in hell now
No need to lie
I pray to God I don’t scream
When it’s time to fry

I woke up with a feeling of resentment today.

That’s probably why I feel that everyone is being so feisty around me today.

I dunno.

Have you ever felt scared of knowing something regardless of what it was that you were going to know?

Say for example, you ask your girlfriend something and then realized that, whatever her response were, you didn’t feel comfortable to hear the answer? It could be on a positive side or a negative side. But regardless of what side it was in you feel vulnerable and you end up not wanting hear what it was she wants to say.

I dunno if you get my point. But it is what it is.

There’s that feeling of resentment again.

Life throws unexpected curve balls at you and you have to bat them the best you can and hope for a homerun..

At one point, everybody gives up.

At work, we all have the jitters when something new comes up.

We all have that little thing inside of us that makes us strive to be better and improve on whatever our daily tasks are.

Not me.

There comes a point in everyone’s life where no matter what you do, ends don’t seem to meet anymore.

This job feels like a dead end to me.

All the effort that you put in.

All the endless hours you put in to be able to get each of your deliverables done.

All the work that you have been stressing about.

Just quite don’t seem worth it anymore.

Yeah, One would say;

“We’re not kids anymore, we should be able to be thankful for what we have and give this company enough patience it deserves, the same patience that has been bestowed upon us.”

I would then ask;

“Where did you get that? Leadership 101?”

Fuckin’ A right?,

This argument would last for hours until it suddenly breaks out and never spoken of again like usual..

But this time, it’s for real. I’m for real.

If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it right?

There’s nothing wrong with looking for greener pastures. Especially if the pasture that you’re in right now is not as green as it once was.

Sure, I’ll miss the few friends that I have made in this company. On most cases they’re one of the reasons why I stayed for the last few years.

I’m tired of metaphors.

It’s just an excuse for deliberately saying something without saying it up front.

But fuck it.

I’m gone.Or I will be.

another monday..