Mind In Solitude

People often misunderstand me for what I say.
More often than not, most of the stuff I say are just there with a mere intent to express what I feel.
Not to stimulate a conflict out of thin air.
It’s just me.
My personality.
Like I said, I have a big mouth, I tend to get into trouble because of that, but luckily enough,
I seem to get out of trouble too because of that big mouth. But not today..

Im getting the silent treatment.
I dunno, it’s agitating the way it seems as though I don’t exist, just a mere figment of one’s imagination.
I may have deserved it, I dunno, cause I’m still getting the silent treatment.  When will it be over? I’ll never know.
Woke up with another feeling of resentment today, and off the bat, I knew it was going to be a long day.
And so far; it has been a long day. I should have stayed in bed and called in sick.

%$@&#(&$%%^(!!!!!

You know that feeling you have right before you jump into an ice cold pool, at the exact moment your feet leaves the platform you take a deep breathe and at the back of your head you’re thinking and saying to yourself; “Oh my God, here goes!” Then in a split second.. Splash.. A sudden feeling of a thousand knives stabbing at your warm body, temporarily paralizes you but only after the excruciating pain. That’s the feeling I have on Mondays. Knowing the forecast and the hurdles of workload ahead of you is like jumping into a pool of the unknown. But hey, Its been five years, but I’m still alive. Still has led me to the same old conclusion.. I HATE MONDAYS.

Life itself seems,
is nothing but blind..
Playing around,
with our minds..
Watching us suffer,
as it lives on,
and we find it hard,
to carry on..
but life itself seems,
has its own fallen dreams
even through the struggles,
That life itself has seen.
Our faith in life,
covered with rust,
to life itself,
we fail to trust.
But understand,
I know we must,
that life itself,
struggles like us..

Yesterday was a train wreck. Totally devastating. So much work and so many people to talk to, we all had to fight for our own breathing room. Now, I can still feel the aftermath of yesterday’s high call volume. There isn’t much to say about yesterday though, but it was one hell of a day

Save me.. Always have to push and shove.. Being number 2 thru the eyes of the one you love.. Im trying hard to make it through.. With my thoughts of you.. And live my life anew.. But each time I try to reach for you.. What I’m heading to, Is just a mere glimpse of what we can be.. When I’m with you.. Takes me back into the state of falling.. Now I’m asking.. Dear Lord can you tell me? How far is heaven? And can I get in? I live my life each day at a time.. Through my thoughts and these rhymes.. looking for my peace of mind, In you that I find.. But falling somewhat behind. Please tell me can you save me? Hold my hand and show me, What it’s like to be happy.

Once again, I’m stressing over something that shouldn’t even be thought of. I know I’m such a panic bug, but hey, once this head starts thinkin’ about one idea, everything that does not quite agree with that idea is a reason for me to panic. I dunno.. Guess it’s just me being me..
I hate arguing. And sometimes I have a point that I wanna get at, but just can’t seem to say it out loud, or find the right words to combine and say it, there are a lot things goin on in this head of mine but I choose not to say it out loud to avoid more conflicts. Cause the way things are goin, conflicts are constant nowadays. I’m trying though.
I’m really trying.
Just want things to go smoothly..

im on the verge of loosing it. im tired of trying and tired of being wrong all the time.. i just want things to be perfect.

I hate it when sometimes so much thoughts come into mind.
Sometimes no matter how hard  you try to suppress your mind, just for you to get some sleep, you just can’t find the right moment and timing to fall asleep.
Food.
My mind suddenly was diversed from my random thoughts to the thought of getting a bite to eat.
Or two.
Whatever. I need to eat. not htat I haven’t eaten before coming to work, I have. But it’s just that my metabolism has been running like a sprinter in a marathon lately.
Food.