Mind In Solitude

Long road ahead.. someone please slip me a pill or two..

Who gets those reality shows lately? They all seem to get weirder and weirder!

They say that 30 is just a number, but why do I feel that time is ticking for me?
I’m turning 30 in a couple of months and it got me thinking back through my life, wondering. Wondering what I learned over those 29 years.
I’m aging but not maturing.
At 30, I feel that I should be wiser than yesterday; but i feel that I’m still that knucklehead kid running up the block, into NC-10 for another basketball game, screwing around the block looking for something to do. My mind says I haven’t aged a bit, but my body and everything else around me is saying otherwise.
I’m living my life in complete content right now, pretty stable and moving career, perfect girl and a roof to sleep in. I could never ask for anything different.
But obviously, I know that there’s something missing – maturity.
Every now and then some good heart will open doors for me to walk in, but I still feel I struggled throughout those 29 years. I should have enough wisdom packed, enough to go to war. The battle that starts at 30.
I feel that I should be a different person by now.
But I’m still that knucklehead kid from the gutter.

There comes that time of the year where we all have to reflect on the things we did the whole year. Time to reflect, time to repent.
This happens each year and unannounced, most people stay on their toes the whole year, calculating, anticipating and hoping that this does not come anytime soon or it will mean a great deal of change in their lives, their outlook and possibly, their stability.
Dreadful thing it is when you’re waiting, hanging and unsure.
It’s like waiting for Santa Claus during christmas eve when you were four years old.
You’re lying there in your bed, peeking under the sheets, door left ajar and through that gap you can see the lights from the tree twinkle and shine on the wall of the living room.. Waiting.. Anticipating..
Oh that pressuring feeling you get as your insides turn, twist and bang into your pancreas.
You hate this feeling that you get once a year.
You wish to sleep through this and wake up when its over.
The stress.
All the waiting.
Paranoia.
Annual Drug Test.
But not me, I’m clean.
🙂